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Thursday, August 14, 2014

Without You I Am Nothing

My life is filled with crazy people right now. The only guaranteed sanity that I can find is with You and You alone. Everyone else is driving me nuts. Especially the new people. I can't really wrap my head around them. I tried, but it's driving me insane. I can't stomach them. My whole being is rejecting them and slowly driving me crazy. I feel so alone. But I'm glad that You are calling me back to You. Without You, I am nothing. Thank you for showing me. You know what's best for each and every one of us. I feel like I'm walking on a very brittle thread, but I'm still holding on because I can feel that it's all going to be okay. I'm just praying for the strength to hold on for as long as I should. Everyone and everything else feels very uncertain at the moment. If I let myself think about it, I can very well go insane. But you are the one solid piece that I can hang on to. Always, every time. Because without You, I am nothing.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Middle Grounds and Balance

I think the solution to the problem is to really find self love. Having too much self hate will only lead you on a dead end search. Self hate can stem from other people, or even yourself. Like when someone constantly puts you down, they will eventually bring down your confidence and self worth. At other times when it stems from yourself, it could be that you allow another person to bring you down, or even read their intentions wrongly. I guess my mistake is that when I let myself go, I truly do forgo myself in order to make room for another. We always need to find a middle ground somewhere before it's too late and everything is lost.

Friday, August 8, 2014

Constantly Under Attack

Lately, I feel like I've been losing myself. I've been empty for quite sometime. Occasionally I do feel like I'm starting to get a grip on myself, but then I lose that grip once again, too quickly, too easily. I've been searching for someone, or something, to hold on to permanently. I thought I found it, but I lose my grip too easily. I'm scared of losing myself. I thought it was a good move for me to take that leap of faith, but I'm starting to feel shaky. Really shaky. I'm doubting everyone, everything, and myself. I feel like a time bomb just waiting to explode. I don't know what's going to happen to me. I constantly want, and strive for good things in life - stability, trust, etc. But everything keeps falling apart, like a house of cards that I'm always trying to put together. Sometimes I feel like losing hope, but I don't want to. I don't want to lose the good things and good people in my life, just because I fail to see. To really see. I wish these bad thoughts will leave my head. I feel like I'm constantly under their attack. Like I'm always trying to hold on to my good conscience and never give in to the destructive ones. It is far too easy for me to give in to the latter, because I've had years of experience just giving in to the painful bliss. Silent torment. Now that I'm older, I'm consciously trying to fight them, as much as I can. But it's a very tough battle. One that also cost me my loved ones sometimes. But then again, won't the ones who allegedly truly love you, will be there for you when you're facing the worst? I don't know what to think anymore. I have too many thoughts, good ones that seem stupid, bad ones that seem smart, or maybe even those are wrong. I'm doubting myself through and through. And nobody can help me. Well, no person can.

Seriously, this totally sums up what I feel my life has been like so far -  Everything keeps falling apart like a house of cards that I'm always trying to put together.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

New Things

I am scared of losing myself, forgetting who I really am, when life is going to be shared with another person. I need to hold on to who I was, I am, and always will be.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Hypocritical Fear

O you who believe! What is the matter with you, that when you are asked to march forth in the Cause of Allah (i.e. Jihad) you cling heavily to the earth? Are you pleased with the life of this world rather than the Hereafter? But little is the enjoyment of the life of this world as compared with the Hereafter.

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And nothing prevents their contributions from being accepted from them except that they disbelieved in Allah and in His Messenger (Muhammad PBUH); and that they came not to prayer except in a lazy state; and that they offer not contributions but unwillingly.

So let not their wealth or their children amaze you (O Muhammad PBUH); in reality Allah's Plan is to punish them with these things in the life of this world, and that their souls shall depart (die) while they are disbelievers.

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The hypocrites fear lest a Surah (chapter of the Quran) should be revealed about them, showing them what is in their hearts. Say: "(Go ahead and) mock! But certainly Allah will bring to light all that you fear."

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The hypocrites, men and women, are from one another, they enjoin (on the people) Al-Munkar (i.e. disbelief and polytheism of all kinds and all that Islam has forbidden), and forbid (people) from Al-Ma'ruf (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam orders one to do), and they close their hands [from giving (spending in Allah's Cause) alms, etc.]. They have forgotten Allah, so He has forgotten them. Verily, the hypocrites are the Fasiqun (rebellious, disobedient to Allah).

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Like those before you, they were mightier than you in power, and more abundant in wealth and children. They had enjoyed their portion awhile, so enjoy your portion awhile as those before you enjoyed their portion awhile; and you indulged in play and pastime (and in telling lies against Allah and His Messenger Muhammad PBUH) as they indulged in play and pastime. Such are they whose deeds are in vain in this world and in the Hereafter. Such are they who are the losers.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Keep Reading When Unsure

And be not like those who come out of their homes boastfully and to be seen of men, and hinder (men) from the Path of Allah. And Allah is Muhit (encircling and thoroughly comprehending) all that they do.

And (remember) when Satan made their (evil) deeds seem fair to them and said, "No one of mankind can overcome you this Day (of the battle of Badr) and verily, I am your neighbour (for each and every help)". But when the two forces came in sight of each other, he ran away and said "Verily! I see what you see not. Verily! I fear Allah for Allah is Severe in punishment."

When the hypocrites and those in whose hearts was a disease (of disbelief) said: "These people (Muslims) are deceived by their religion." But whoever puts his trust in Allah, then surely, Allah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

More Reminders

And know that your possessions and your children are but a trial and that surely with Allah is a mighty reward.

O you who believe! If you obey and fear Allah, He will grant you Furqan a criterion [(to judge between right and wrong), or (Makhraj, i.e. making a way for you to get out from every difficulty)], and will expiate for you your sins, and forgive you, and Allah is the Owner of the Great Bounty.