May burning bridges light the way to better destinations.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Tuesday, March 10, 2015
Why do many girls nowadays settle for someone who does not really love them and yet they work so hard to please that person? I was one of them. I was made to believe that I am the crazy one for wanting too much. I was told this too many times until I started to doubt myself, which lead me to forgetting myself. I spoke to several girls who are still stuck in this web. They choose to brag about what they supposedly have. But underneath all that showing off, after speaking to them, I know for sure the pain that they go through for allowing themselves to settle for love that is less than what they deserve. It must be the mindset of "I wouldn't rather be alone". It takes one to know one. I have been there and I know what they are allowing themselves to go through.
I just want to pose this question to them: "Wouldn't you rather be alone than be with someone who makes you feel terribly alone most of the time?"
But the sad thing is, I think I might know the answer. They will want to stay for the brief glimpses of joy that they might get. Might. Imagine, having lost the hope for a genuine, happy future, in exchange for such fleeting joy that you know deep down will never be truly yours to share. What a wicked deal.
Thursday, March 5, 2015
I had been really really down and lost these past few months. And finally, something very traumatizing happened last night, to cap off that extremely painful journey that I had. I did all I could to not let myself fall in that crucial moment. However, I knew I would still have to face every second of every day that comes after that, and I was very fearful that I could easily slip away and fall really hard, judging by my past.
As I was going about my business in the morning, this phrase kept running through my head:
"Wadhdhuhaa. Wallayli idzaa sajaa"
I felt it was a weird thing that would suddenly interject my thoughts. I thought it had something to do with the morning, due to the translation of the word, which I remember. I wanted to know the rest of the surah though, but I couldn't remember so I looked it up.
What hit me, really hit me home. All perfect, and poetic. It was extremely beautiful.
In the name of Allah, Most Beneficent, Most Merciful.
I swear by the early hours of the day, and the night when it covers with darkness. Your Lord has not forsaken you, nor has He become displeased, and surely what comes after is better for you than that which has gone before. And soon will your Lord give you so that you shall be well pleased. Did He not find you an orphan and give you shelter? And find you lost (that is, unrecognized by men) and guide (them to you)? And find you in want and make you to be free from want? Therefore, for the orphan, do not oppress (him). And as for him who asks, do not chide (him). And as for the favor of your Lord, do announce (it).
I then knew this is His favor for me and I want to record this beautiful moment in writing. It's as close as I can get in reliving this perfect moment when I reread it. In a way, also announcing this good news, to anyone who might be reading.
He has been very merciful to me. He knew I couldn't handle the trauma by myself this time, after the pain that I went through before this. So He sent me good people and guidance when I needed them the most. I shall indeed pass the good vibes around. Positivity breeds positivity.
Monday, February 16, 2015
It was time to go home from work and the skies weren't looking too good. I travel by public transport and need to get to the atm for my taxi fare. So rain isn't good if I had to walk to the place. But there wouldn't be enough time to catch up with the current prayer if I waited until I got back home. So I just did my prayers even though thunder was starting up all around. When I finished, rain was beginning to pour and I had to race against the rain before it starts pouring to the taxi stand (5-10 mins walk). Just when I was starting out in the rain, a colleague called out to me and offered me a ride all the way to my home. Talk about perfect timing! Even if I sought a taxi by then, there's no guarantee that any driver will want to take me due to the heavy traffic jam headed towards my area. See? Providence. Just keep up your prayers, and He will provide for you in ways that you don't even imagine.
I'm just writing down this memory so I can reread it when I feel my willpower running low.
So my boss (with whom I confide some stuff in) asked me about my love life, and I told him that it's pretty confusing. He said not to give the guy too much. I'm still young. My boss is double my age and he's having a second round with love and romance (marriage).
"Don't give him too much". My boss knows I'm giving him too much. I didn't even tell him about it. That conversation was comforting. Ever since my first interview he knew I have this issue. I wonder what gave it away.
But anyhow, I'm glad I met and still keep the good people around.
Saturday, February 14, 2015
Every gesture, every word, and even the silence of those with whom she came in contact, implied, and often expressed, that she was banished, and as much alone as if she inhabited another sphere, or communicated with the common nature by other organs and senses than the rest of human kind. She stood apart from mortal interests, yet close beside them, like a ghost that revisits the familiar fireside, and can no longer make itself seen or felt;
The Scarlet Letter page 58.