Pages

Monday, January 26, 2015

Too Vivid

Who knows, maybe I will kill myself because of you. Because of love and pain. Because the feelings are real. To make u understand that my feelings of love are real and the pain is real. So real that I have to kill those feelings because I don't want to feel them anymore. I don't want to feel them because you don't have those feelings anymore.

This is the devil's next step planned for me. After he managed to tempt me into giving this relationship a chance, then give my life and self up to this very mentally unstable person. Now he wants me to kill myself.

Funny how I realize only when it is too late, but still feel overwhelmed.

Rest Your Soul

I just want a peaceful sleep. The most peaceful sleep I have ever had. And that it will transfer into my waking hours, if I do wake up.

I wish that for others as well.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

The Girl is Alright

There is nothing wrong with me. I am just a sensitive, caring and loyal girl. Don't forget loyal.

Guys are just bastards.

I am also very good at wiping my memory clean of people who don't care about me. It will be just like nothing happened. Years of experience, baby.

Live and learn.

Self Preservation

They ask me how I could live so normally after a particularly bad situation.

My trick is to wipe my memory clean of that incident or person. I need to take care of myself, so that's the extreme that I go to. When pushed, the mind can do anything.

Losses

She lost her savings, sense of freedom, self worth, self respect, and the confidence of individuality. All because of a guy and his mind tricks. He doesn't even want to talk to her now that she cannot pay for him anymore. It is painfully obvious. How does one go about getting it all back?

She is sad because of that, and the fact that she let a pathetic excuse of a human being deep into her life.

Friday, January 16, 2015

Fixing

You don't know the truth behind the story. The thing is, in most cases, the guy expects the girl to drop everything and everyone in her life. He expects her to be there for him 100% of the time whenever he needs her or feels lonely. But when he gets the chance to go out and have fun, he will not miss a beat to take up the opportunity without a second glance at the girl who has missed out on so much just for him. He will be too busy to even let her know about anything that is going on, and leave her behind to rot all alone. Not so much as a thought about her while he is out.

That is the real deal with guys, man. The sad and honest truth. Live and learn. The problem now is, how is the girl going to put her life back together again - the one that she took apart just so it will comply with her (used to be) guy's needs. How can she take good care not to misstep as she goes about fixing the broken pieces of her life? One wrong step and I know she will fall apart, being in the fragile state that she is in already.

Tip: Never fall for that initial sweet talking and the manipulation that comes after. If it is too good to be true, then walk away. Unless you are prepared for the fire that has a 50% chance of sucking you in. Be extremely wary if you are thinking of taking chances on someone.

Stupidity

I should have listened to my mum when she told me not to pay anything for him. If he wants to leave if you don't pay, then let him leave. He's not a good person in the first place anyway. Either I wait this long and painful wait, or I will lose my hard earned savings. Now I must be patient and not fall for anymore of his manipulations.

In the end, it's about the battle of intentions. The ones with good intentions will always trump the ones with a darkened heart. I am here also to make sure of that - good triumphs evil.