A Perfect Night of Solitude

Damn tonight is such a good night. It's one of those nice solitude moments. I've just finished with my usual routine and then cooked myself some dinner. Haven't done any cooking in a while. It's sardines and an egg tonight. A tad too salty, but damn I forgot how nice it is to cook, although its just something real simple. I'm too lazy to wash up, I just ate straight out of the frying pan. It's just too perfect, living like a bachelor. Haha. No need to fuss over stuff. Times like these I enjoy my single life, no pressure to answer to anyone and just indulge in whatever I feel like doing. Speaking of which, after that fair dinner, (which I ate straight out of the pan, lol), I'm having a nice carton of low fat milk. An absolutely delicious ending to a decent meal. Taking my time to finish my milk while watching TwoAwesomeGamers playing Minecraft on YouTube. And it's raining.. Just perfect. Now the only thing that could spoil the night is mosquitoes.. Just because I left the sliding doors open just now to let the cool air in. Alright back to my lovely night. I just wanted to record this perfect night in my blog. :)

change

i dunno, i feel that i really need a huge positive change in my life. feels like i have some dark mark over me, caging me into this constant state of impending doom. it even shows on my face. you know, how you see a person and you could tell, and get a vibe that this person is no good. feels like i've been cast with some unholy mark, and i've been going downhill in my life ever since. always struggling to stay afloat, while my other friends from ages ago are doing well in their life. it's absolutely unfair, to cast one person to such a fate. but i guess someone's got to take the hit for the others to live a good life. whatever. maybe i'm just being too paranoid, but that's exactly what it feels like.

i want to get to such a good state in life, that it even shows in me physically. at the moment, i really feel like having a boyfriend. just someone to get my mind off myself. i'm sick of thinking about myself. just need someone to fuss over. haha, i sound so old school. but yeah, i need a guy to keep myself busy, when i'm left alone with my thoughts, when i'm not busy with work or friends. i just need a guy, cuz i kinda miss that feeling. oh, cut that feminist crap.

nostalgic

when you're all alone, who do you miss the most? i think i've got the answer.

sharing is caring (present post)

i just got back from a concert organized by my course mates. it was alright, but i really loved 2 bands in it. Tilu, definitely, and another one, One Night Service. it's a shame though that the second band doesn't have an album out yet. so i'm listening to my new Tilu album right now, which has the lead singer's signature on it, one in lipstick and another one in black pen. haha. don't ask why. but i'm feeling happy though, that's what good music does. but, i feel sad too.. kinda down, i have nobody special to share my passion, music with. i dunno. i always have this picture in mind, a special someone who loves the stuff i love too, and us sharing it. not having to enjoy things alone. and just now one of the performers reminded me of this guy i really like & used to hang out with. sigh.

lonely. ha (present post)

just came back from a night time stroll, after meeting up with a friend. couldn't hang with them tho. unfortunately. if i could, i would've. i hate being left alone with my thoughts.

so tonight was a pretty decent night. walking alone in the semi darkness, feeling the occasional cool wind, smoking.. alone with my thoughts. if only there was someone walking by my side. imagine how we would share the lovely night, keeping each other company. man, my thoughts kept going back to that random cute guy who talked to me. man, i wish i had his number. but it felt too awkward at that time. i wonder if we'll bump into each other again. not unless i'm like a stalker, waiting for him to come by the cafe. nevermind, i'll let it be. if it's meant to be. damn, i just want a convenient company, a convenient boyfriend. haha just kidding. it feels like it's been a while since i last felt like this. really lonely. ha. damnit, it's been a long long time since i last held the hands of a loved one.

damn, i need to stop f ing around and get back to work. i need to learn to lock away these lonely thoughts, and any other depressive thoughts.

solitude (present post)

sometimes all i want is to just live alone. like a hermit. sometimes i get sick of humans and their behaviors and all the shit associated with them. i get fed up of people. i wonder, can i live like a hermit, someday.. spend the rest of my life far away from these wretched people.