3D Album Artwork

I discovered this guy today, Tom Alex Buch. I think he has the most amazing job and his works are impressive too. He does 3D artwork for the music that he loves listening to. I'm currently following him at www.tomalexbuch.com and so can you. Check it out!

I guess my new goal is to create illustrative 3d graphics for the music that I love. If you think about it, that's my way of giving back to what has been keeping me afloat all my life - music. Lol. Well it's always been in my field of interest, music and awesome graphics. I would love to make a living out of this sometime in the future.

Reaching for the Stars

My dream and goal is to be so good, that they'll want me abroad. Watching videos of successful people and doing the seemingly impossible sparks that inspiration in me. <3 and more specifically, as a 3D sculpting artist, or a digital painter. The latter would be so amazing because that would mean that I have achieved the dream that I've had ever since I was a little kid.

Electronic Zombie Updates

Been a long time since I actually wrote in here. So many things have happened, so many cool new things bought. For starters, I'm currently using my brand new iPhone to write this lonely blog post. Yes, I finally got an iPhone, haha! It's a 16GB iPhone 4. Got it at a much cheaper price from my babe's older sister. And yes, we are still together, although things do get rocky between us. We're still sticking together due to the happiness that we share throughout the hardships that we've been facing. The workstation in my room looks almost unrecognizable. So many new stuff I bought, with my money (I'm Proud to say). Its on it's way to looking like a full fledged design artist's work station, lol! I'm not there yet, not yet a highly paid artist working abroad, but I will make it come true soon enough. It's scary, thinking of all the things I have to go through first before I can fully make it. But God willing, I will! I'll be so happy that I finally got everything that I have ever wanted, and to be able to give back to my family, finally. Scary future. But hey, I have come back, with a written update on what my life has amounted to thus far. God willing I will write back with a much better update and pretty much everything on my life's checklist complete. Pray for me, pray for us all.

What now?

You know what, actually anything is possible.. it's scary. Think of what I wanna do and where I wanna go, I could make that happen. Just start, don't sit around.

Plans

He's not gonna reply. I don't have to be bummed out about that. it's just another guy. guys... I have always had this mindset that I shouldn't depend on any guy to make me happy, or expect anything from him. Because, in the back of my mind, I felt like I couldn't trust any of them to pull through. Honestly. Because if I expected something from him, I'll definitely be put down one way or another. So yeah, guys... And when I put all my eggs in one basket, something horrible will eventually happen. Like right now, no reply. Being left alone when things go bad. Really, it's an ugly picture. I want to throw that picture out.. or just turn it into something beautiful. The better option obviously. Anyway.

I'm an individual person, my own person. I am going to be happy for myself, and for my loved ones, especially for their joys and successes. I'm going to pave my own way for my life, going to achieve all those dreams that I've always had.. small dreams and big ones. I will get there. God willing. I will be a happier person along this journey, it will be a happy journey for me. I will get that happiness once again, the one that I lost, I will reclaim it and keep it.. for myself and for others. I don't wanna bring myself down, I wanna be a positive influence for people around me. If I don't hold on to this positive light, I'm afraid of what might happen to me. Afraid of this deep, dark side that'll come out if I'm not careful. It has been creeping out of me these past few days. And now, I'm gonna squash its spirit, I'm gonna fight once more, to dissipate it out of my system forever. God willing. I have this plan to incorporate into my routine, what I used to do.. Daily exercise and prayers. Back then in Dubai. I was so happy. And when I'm happy, the possibilities are endless, and opportunities just seem to come my way and work out. God willing, I will get back on that path. I am tired of being smothered by darkness, tired of these feelings of hopelessness, loss and confusion. I don't want to get back there. I want to get myself out of it. Life would really be wasted if I let that prolong. God willing, I will get there :) <3

Personal reminder

When I have my own home, extra cash to splurge, I'm gonna decorate the walls with skateboard decks. One of the things that I really love. Skateboarding. Just a reminder of who I used to be, what I used to really love.. what I still love, actually. I also wanna grow a collection of knives, switchblades. Haven't bought one yet. They're so pretty :). I do have a skateboard, but it's not the proper one, just a cheap one that I used to practice on. I also have a miniature finger skateboard, that might also be a collection that I'll expand. :)

Haha I'm watching 'The Man Who Souled the World'. It just reminded me of something that I was really passionate about. <3

Oh and I will definitely be putting up my fencing equipment - like the mask and my epee's. Just another portion of my life and who I used to be. Something that I also look back upon with loving memory. LOL.

pictures

i looked at some old photos. the ones that i took with my friends back then, made me very cheerful just remembering what happened when we took those pictures. it got rid of the huge depression that i had moments ago. a very good mood lifter, isn't it? but then, i saw a photo of me and my family back then. it was a picture of me and my brother, and we looked very happy. i mean, the smiles are so genuine, you can't mistake it for anything less. and that made me feel very sad. i used to be so different back then, VERY different from who i am now. it really... the feelings that it stirred in me are horrible. like how did we get to this sht? and especially, why.. why do we have to suffer for it? why can't it stay good like that??..when other families can remain as happy as we used to be. it's those feelings that make me suicidal. the feeling that i am so far away from where we used to be. how we used to be. someday, i'm going to get far, far away from all of this.. this ugly scar. it's a scar that can NEVER heal. no matter how hard i try to make the best out of it, but it's just one scar that cannot heal. so i must get far away from it, far away from everything that will remind me of it. my friends make me happy, but family just makes me suicidal. well, how it is now. back then, absolutely not.

Just My Luck

you know, sometimes i feel like losing myself inside a really good movie. with all that feel-good vibe, so far away from any wretched realities. with good people around me, enough cash to go through life, happiness, etc. but wait, i do have some good people in my life, but i just feel so far away from them. after watching a good movie, i just want that feeling to last for a long long time after that. the feeling that i get while watching the movie. it's contagious. i want it to be real, to last longer. it's like, when the show is over, the curtains are drawn, and real life sets back in.

i really like Lindsay Lohan's movies. well, the ones that aren't too mature and after all the sht that has been happening to her in real life. i like her in those movies. i just finished watching Just My Luck, and it left me yearning for all the good things in life, you know. it's just that, her movies tend to have this good vibe about them. i feel sorry for her that her real life has got to be kinda bad.. from what i've seen in the 'celebrity tabloids'. i enjoy watching her good movies like Freaky Friday, Mean Girls, and some more. they just leave a feel-good vibe inside of me. i feel happy after the endings. and how i wish my life would have that feel-good vibe permanently stuck with me. if only wishing hard enough could get me there.

hey, maybe i'm gonna write a story about this really depressed person wanting to get stuck inside a movie or something. but in the end, realizes that it's all about feeling good about yourself and your life. not being literally stuck inside a good movie. haha. but like my lecturer said, nothing is original under the sun. every story out there has already been made. so now it's about remaking it into a better version. if i can. maybe i might work on this some more. i'm really desperate to be feel the limelight and fortune. haha.

Plans for the Road

Status: tired of reruns

so what to do? create my own epic adventure. how to do that? i got a sudden flash to just take up and leave. leave this all behind. go on a trip far away from all of this, all that i have known and gotten sick of. and maybe come back when i have truly missed them. go away somewhere, but what about money? i'm gonna bring my laptop, just so that i can stay connected. bring my guitar, so i can maybe use it to my advantage, generate some side income. but what i really want is to take off. leave. but money, how do i generate money, while i'm on the road? because i honestly feel like i can't take this anymore. i feel like i need to re write my life. a second chance at having a more enjoyable and fulfilling life. i'm thinking of inviting someone to join me in this escapade. and i think i know just the person who would most probably want this as much as i do. i tried calling him a moment ago, but he was sleeping. nevermind, i'll try again later.

but hell, i think it's selfish of me to leave my group mates behind. most probably gonna create another group of enemies who are gonna hate me for leaving them in the gutter. well last time, in school, i had a very good reason to do so. they were all leaving the work to me, taking on the ride. but still, i don't want to leave my current group mates in a mess. i still have a responsibility to help them through this sht. i can't leave right at this moment, but i can postpone it to until we get the job done. then i can leave all this f ed up sht behind. first things first. but this thought gives me hope. something to look forward to, for me to hold on to as i struggle with this current mess. it's a good motivation, though it's gonna take a lot of patience. i still have a responsibility to carry out. too bad. it's gonna take me about, 6 more months? i think. until all of this blows over. then i can escape.

i guess in the mean time, it gives me the opportunity to save up enough cash to get me started on this escapade. no really, i have this vision in my head, where i'm totally not stuck in one place, always on the move. far from monotony and depression. keeping busy and getting experience in many aspects of life. even in this state i've had several interesting experiences that are out of the norm. although some got me extremely down and feel extremely low. but that's part of the adventure. it's not always gonna be peachy.

A coward turns away, but a brave man's choice is danger.  - Euripides 

Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is not safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. - Helen Keller

i'm not gonna be stuck in a job that chains me down in one place. and i'm definitely not gonna be homeless. to hell with that. i'm gonna change the course of my life, the way that it's going, and i'm gonna do it the smart way. i'm not going to be depressed by broken expectations anymore, haunted by past failures. infested with its reeking stench while staying here in the same place. so after our final group project, it's goodbye to everyone. and maybe we might meet someday on the road, if any one ever decides to take on a similar journey.

i'm gonna have to think this whole thing through again anyways. map out  more details, especially the necessities. i'm not going to get into this blindly.

Do not stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles.- Arab Proverb


haha what's up with me and quotes tonight.. okay here's the last one.

Courage consists not in blindly overlooking danger, but in seeing it, and conquering it. - Jean Paul Friedrich Richter 

useless rambling. dont read (present post)

whew. so i just got back from a conference for film animators, which had speakers from really successful companies such as pixar and ILM. it was pretty inspiring. and the dose of inspiration that i knew i needed. but coming back from the talk, i was so exhausted and sleepy.. all because of my incessant thoughts. and you know how bad i am with really social settings that expects us to mingle with all these strangers. and i felt pretty intimidated. i feel like i look like such a boring old bag, in my grey outfit and bulky appearance. i think i need to stand out more, look more unique. then i'll feel more confident to mingle with these people. i feel so boring. after this i'm definitely gonna have to do something with my hair. i feel it's too boring. i already have an eye brow piercing, but i feel that my face, cant do any much better. so i wanna change my hair next. haha. but i see the problem definitely lies in my fattiness.but seriously, all the thoughts in my head making me tired and sleepy at the end of the day? that's a problem. at least i've started on my path on meditation. i really need to shut down these thoughts when it comes to mingling with people :( especially if i want to achieve my dream, i must mingle with 'intimidating' strangers. i only have one wish, that one day, i can mingle with anybody i want to, face to face, and expand my connections in this industry. i don't want to be stuck here. i want to move up and be with the best of the best. someday.. i will overcome this tedious obstacle. i have to. and i'm gonna love it.