Overwhelming

Sigh.. It seems that I'm still having some problems with myself. Something that I can't handle when it hits me like a tornado. I'm wondering how can I overcome this. I don't want to lose new friends just because of my awkwardness that I can't seem to keep under control. Sigh. I blew it tonight. It was overwhelming that I couldn't help it. Like they say, a problem will keep coming at you if you still haven't learned the lesson that you're supposed to from it. I wish I could find a way to overcome this, since it's a problem that nobody will understand. Unless I pay for a very pricy shrink to help me sort out this problem. But even then, the shrink may not even understand me and the money will be wasted. I had a bad experience with therapy, where I was apparently ridiculed by the person who was supposed to be helpful. Sigh. I need to fix this problem if I want to maintain the company of other people, if I don't want to be a complete loner forever. Seriously I feel like something's seriously wrong with me mentally. The thing is, even I don't understand it, so it's tricky figuring it all out. I guess I seem pretty fine all this while because I've been staying away from the problem. Once it hits me, by golly it's super overwhelming. I really need to fix this so that I can handle myself whenever the situation arises again. I can't be running away and hiding from it all my life. Help... :(