change

i dunno, i feel that i really need a huge positive change in my life. feels like i have some dark mark over me, caging me into this constant state of impending doom. it even shows on my face. you know, how you see a person and you could tell, and get a vibe that this person is no good. feels like i've been cast with some unholy mark, and i've been going downhill in my life ever since. always struggling to stay afloat, while my other friends from ages ago are doing well in their life. it's absolutely unfair, to cast one person to such a fate. but i guess someone's got to take the hit for the others to live a good life. whatever. maybe i'm just being too paranoid, but that's exactly what it feels like.

i want to get to such a good state in life, that it even shows in me physically. at the moment, i really feel like having a boyfriend. just someone to get my mind off myself. i'm sick of thinking about myself. just need someone to fuss over. haha, i sound so old school. but yeah, i need a guy to keep myself busy, when i'm left alone with my thoughts, when i'm not busy with work or friends. i just need a guy, cuz i kinda miss that feeling. oh, cut that feminist crap.