at this point, i should just give up on love. just stop searching for it anywhere, from anybody. love in the form of family? really? or is that something we're just required to comply to.. friends? i have forgotten what friends are like. romance relationships? that's an even bigger love bullsht. if love does not exist, then what is the purpose of my living? to continue the ongoing trudge of this endless journey. hammered into my brain: money, travel, money, success, etc. all those material bullsht. but i keep on chasing after them. especially love. i keep chasing after these dreams of bullsht. so far, music has been my sedative. i find solace in it, a shelter for protection, a place of understanding. it has always been this way, since i was younger.
well there was this person, who was seemingly 'close' to me. it didn't work out, not that i expected it to anyways. but i was pretty disappointed that i was right. not my loss anyways. my life just goes back to the way it was. i didn't really lose anything. just.. disappointed a bit.
back to the point, i should stop looking for love. i mean, stop believing in all that bullsht. looking for love sounds wrong, like i'm some kind of prostitute or something. i'm not. durrr. lol. i mean yeah, i did notice this armor wall that i've built, and was NEARLY prepared to tear it down. good thing i listened to my instinct, though i was still a bit hurt from being right.
now it's just me and my music, and not committing suicide. ahah.
sometimes it feels so real.. this feeling that i could go back in time, just to feel once more, what it was like back then. it feels so real sometimes.