You know what, with all the shit that has been happening, I'd better be mentally strong to handle all of them. For starters, how it always goes so wrong with guys, after having so much fun. I must learn to just take the fun vibes with me as I walk away from each and every bad situation that I've had with guys. Because if I let it eat me up on the inside, I'll be swamped with anguish and questions like, 'why didn't he this, why didn't he that, why is he distant, why why why'. All the fucked up questions that I must learn to ignore and just walk away with my happiness still intact. Well I've mastered the walking away part, but it's my mentality that I must learn to master better. I've told myself many times to not get affected by negative human emotions. Untouchable.
I've gone through this so many times, where I might be dejected after so many disappointments, but I'm telling myself to keep pushing on through, no matter how many setbacks I've had to face. Keep my faith strong, that faith in the ability to remain happy. That happiness can still be mine, even if there are so many reasons and people who can certainly bring me down with deception. I guess these experiences will only make me even more concrete with my emotions, specifically happiness.
I have a fucking 'boyfriend' who doesn't care, for god's sake. With whom I'm thinking about breaking up with. And with that, I'm going to stay away from meeting new guys as well. Because honestly, almost every one that I went out with turn out to be real jerks. It's my bad as well because I admit I do have bad character judgment. It doesn't help either that I tend to be too naive and trustworthy.
I don't want to be the loser in life either. Definitely not a sore loser. I don't want to let myself get badly scarred, I want to pick myself up no matter how many disappointments I've been through. It's weird how I still have the will to keep fighting to stay afloat. I guess it's the exciting unknown that keeps me going. I still have faith in the belief that there's still more things to look forward to and that they'll be even better. I'm just going with my instincts here.