Thursday, December 20, 2012
I feel so sad. Here's this super nice guy, who's really into me and is everything that I ever wanted in a guy to treat me as a girl... But somehow something is still holding me back from fully being into him, I'm still stuck on thoughts of those relationships that didn't work out. Those thoughts are with me when I'm with him but I'm also happy being around him because of how nicely he treats me. And when I'm not with him, I start being scared shitless of leading him on and I just want to stop whatever it is that's been going on between us. Maybe I should just take a break from him after the new year. I know that's exactly what he told me he didn't want to happen, but is it nice to lead him on when I'm not in it 100%? At this point, I just really wanna work on a better new me, heal my mental issues and finally be able to live life normally again. I wanna be over all those people who have hurt me. Have good friends in my life. I don't wanna live in regret with someone whom I'm not 100% into and with him, that's what I'm worried about. That I might never be able to reach that 100% and would end up living in regret and using him instead, just because he's nice. Also another issue is that I don't wanna be the girl who's into the guys who are ass holes towards her and reject the nice guys. So I really think I need time alone to sort out my feelings and in the meantime work on a better new me. I don't wanna jump into the whirlwind of a new relationship where I'm not 100% into it. I'll need to find a way to tell him this. Because if I am ready and really want to be with him, I'll be feeling over the moon after we hangout. But instead, I'm having all these negative thoughts and that's not a good sign.