Monday, December 17, 2012

So What's Been Going On?

Three days ago, the 'boyfriend' contacted me again after ages of silence, I guess that's because he knew that I'm going to be hanging out with our mutual friend, whom wanted to introduce me to his other bunch of crazy friends. He (the 'bf') finally said 'I love you', but that was just in writing. And also by that time I had no more feelings left towards him. So I didn't take anything he told me seriously.

I'll have to say the house party with my good friend, it was ace. There were girls as well. Loads of drinking. Loud music.

The day after, I met up with a new friend, this guy's super sweet and didn't try to take advantage of me. He bought me a gift even though it was just a first hang out, not a date. Super nice guy, and I should be careful, haha. The problem is, he's looking to settle down and he's 3 years younger than me. So that's a bit odd. And even if what he says is true, I really don't feel like settling down with someone 3 years younger than I am. It just doesn't settle well at all with my conscience. Sigh. An almost perfect guy comes along, and some pretty big issue gets in the way. If he wasn't younger than me, I would've agreed to be steady with him already. Hm right now I'm just telling him how I feel about all this but he still really doesn't wanna let go. I don't want to hurt him, by agreeing to be steady but not being in it 100% myself. So I just said I'll give it time, if time can change my mind about the age difference. But at this point, I think I'm just being a fucking dick and don't deserve a nice guy like him, for even letting the age gap become a factor in my decision. We shall see, time will tell, and in the meantime, I'll try my best not to hurt anybody. I think, I'll even accept it if he finds another girl who agrees to be steady with him. I think I may be relieved, because it would be an issue that's going to be cleared from my mind, even if it might mean that I'll feel hurt that I didn't get the nice guy, and he's with someone else already. I'll be the lone wolf that I used to be, still going on with my journey to improve myself, my state of life.

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