Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Conquering Yourself

I've been feeling like I've lost the vigor for life lately, and it's really time to snap out of it. I don't want my life to waste away like how I let it back then during high school and university.

It's not important that certain people have influenced my attitude to go downhill, but it's more important that I instill positive changes for myself from within. That should be my main focus and I figured to achieve that I must conquer myself. A tough task, but it can be done.

I read an article about how it takes 21 days of complete perseverance and patience to instill habits within yourself - be it good or bad habits. So it is important that I buckle down for those positive attitude changes. I thought I have mastered the art of keeping myself positive and happy, well maybe I did for half a year, but I guess I need to address some of those points that I have missed and strengthen the ones that I've already worked on.

Just gotta love the Internet for its endless resource of ideas and inspiration.

Some things that I want to work on:

Loving myself, no matter what. It doesn't matter if that certain person doesn't, it only matters as long as I love myself through and through, and that I love my dear friends and family. As weird as it sounds, I feel a certain degree of comfort, sometimes a lot, whenever I reassure myself about it. All I need is that constant reminder from within, and whoever it is that I have unrequited feelings for doesn't matter anymore. It just has to be sincere.

I have so many personal demons that I want to conquer. I'm slightly high right now and I don't feel like writing much about the other issues. Sometimes I just need some help to get that peace of mind. But it doesn't necessarily work all the time. Sometimes it makes you even more depressed than you are. But tonight, it's giving me a peace of mind and that reassuring inner voice is stronger. I am thankful for that. I really need to pick my spirits up after all that depression and irritability.

I have always wanted to have my own stash of weed. Well my friend said this Sunday, I might get my own stash, finally. I'm happy. And when I'm happy, I fucking love to share it with my friends. The happiness, I mean, lol. The weed you gotta pay for :p.

These past few days I haven't been really happy. Not the kind that comes from within. And I'm afraid of it taking over my life and my work. All because of some guy, and seeing a picture of him with someone else made me think and worry more than I ought to. I'm hoping that soon I'll regain my inner happiness. With or without using other substances.

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