Sunday, January 30, 2011

the need for holding on

we all lose our way sometimes.. all that constant perseverance, fighting our battles in order to live our life to the fullest, to reach that happy place in life. we are just human, and there will be setbacks. there will be a brief moment where we need to be taken care of, a moment for a breather. we can't just keep fighting all the time. the moment you fall into that black hole, the vast void of unhappiness.. there will be help that will come for you, save you from your downfall. you just need to keep holding on, and searching for what is needed. if you let go, when you're down, you will never get to feel that loving embrace.. helping you out of your darkness. the patience is worth it, if only you hold on a little longer.

i have been feeling really down recently. i'm trying not to give in to my suicidal thoughts, and trying to fix myself again. i just can't quit and leave behind the people that i really love. just thinking about how much i would hurt them, if i ever committed that cowardly act of suicide.. it breaks my heart to let them down like that. and that gives me the strength to fight off those suicidal thoughts. i especially love my little sister and how devastating it would be to a little girl to lose someone close, to the selfish act of suicide. i love my brother too, and my other family members. it's just that, i've never been really close to them. i don't want to scar my family even more than the way they already are. i guess i love them too much, to end my own life. i guess i will persevere through all of this sht and keep fighting... with the occasional break downs. ha. but that doesn't mean anything. not that i would actually commit suicide.

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