the will to live

been feeling so hopeless and lost recently. found new websites from a friend's facebook. www.givesmehope.com and several others, similar to FML, but better. reading all those GMH posts made me feel teary. i feel like such a blubbering idiot. i dunno. it's just that at this moment of hopelessness, i get touchy. sigh. another website i recently perused is lovegivesmehope. these websites really stopped me in my tracks for a while, replacing those hopeless suicidal thoughts with touching stories from other people's lives. in a way, i still feel like i wanna die, but never mind. i also feel like a prick if i do commit suicide. what is my purpose in life? will i rot away my life? devoid of family, friends.. sometimes i just don't know how to get them back. how to keep them a part of my life.. instead of this barrier keeping them out. i need to try harder, but sometimes the battle gets tiring and lose the will to live, as life goes on. i know, i sound like such a douche bag. but it's how i feel inside, that's all.