pictures

i looked at some old photos. the ones that i took with my friends back then, made me very cheerful just remembering what happened when we took those pictures. it got rid of the huge depression that i had moments ago. a very good mood lifter, isn't it? but then, i saw a photo of me and my family back then. it was a picture of me and my brother, and we looked very happy. i mean, the smiles are so genuine, you can't mistake it for anything less. and that made me feel very sad. i used to be so different back then, VERY different from who i am now. it really... the feelings that it stirred in me are horrible. like how did we get to this sht? and especially, why.. why do we have to suffer for it? why can't it stay good like that??..when other families can remain as happy as we used to be. it's those feelings that make me suicidal. the feeling that i am so far away from where we used to be. how we used to be. someday, i'm going to get far, far away from all of this.. this ugly scar. it's a scar that can NEVER heal. no matter how hard i try to make the best out of it, but it's just one scar that cannot heal. so i must get far away from it, far away from everything that will remind me of it. my friends make me happy, but family just makes me suicidal. well, how it is now. back then, absolutely not.