Saturday, May 21, 2011

enough bullshit

Be careful now, if shit continues to happen, I might completely cut you out of my life. Online and offline. It would be like you never existed, and that we have never met. I have done that before, it's an act of self defense. Protecting myself from getting hurt some more. Cut the cords completely. It just hurts too much to keep you in my life, when you keep doing that to me. I noticed something, like when you distance yourself, and I start to drift away too, you take a hold again on me. I do try to allow myself room to adapt to this change (one that I honestly despise), but no, it's just too much. I can't take any more mind games. Pretty pointless actually. Again, why hurt when we can heal? It's just too fishy. I might be driven to the point where I delete my account. I did that in the past, actually. So what now, am I going to start anew every time something goes horribly wrong? I'll just be a nomad, forever moving from point to point, empty and always seeking for a new shell. Just empty. I fucking hate myself, for doing this to myself. What else can I do? Honestly I feel kinda ill. Since last night. No matter how hard I try to make my life a happier one, there's no denying the ugliness that is abundant in it. ENOUGH! Take me out of this misery! Else, just end it. Eternal sleep, huh. I just feel fucking tired. I need to finish writing this essay. Good riddance.

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