Sunday, July 24, 2011

Afflictions, retributions, confessions, realizations, and resolutions.

It feels nice to have someone to talk to, even if just for a while. For the short time that the person is there for me, I have done the best that I could with our time together. Because I know people have their own lives to attend to, so I always try to make the best out of what we have together. Make the best of the time that we spend together, because I know that it won't last. Not as much as I want it to, sadly. But yeah, sometimes it just takes a person to make me feel alive again. Alive in a positive manner. Not alive, as in that adrenaline rush when doing something reckless. Sometimes I feel that I'm over with my reckless days. I must stop doing that to myself, and live in a healthier lifestyle.. for my mind, body, soul and heart. I have learned my lessons, the hard way unfortunately. I have always told myself this, to live a cleaner life. I have strayed for a bit, even after my resolution to not do those things ever again, and I received my retributions for that. I must have this embedded into myself, because I do not want to repeat this hurt, this pain, all over again. I love the people in my life. I have never let them go, even if we have become distant over the years. If any of them ever came back to me, I always welcome them with open arms, whatever it is that I could do within my capabilities. But yeah, I hope they know that I still love all of them.

Sometimes, I just wish this pain would end. And that love and laughter will come and take over my life once again. It used to be filled with that, but these past few days have been horrible. I don't know if it's my period, or a combination of that and circumstances in my daily life (work, classes, etc). But I can't wait for my life to be filled with love and laughter once again. The accumulated emotions from these past few days really felt like they have taken their toll on me. I feel so flipping exhausted, and I just wanna go home. Where are the arms wide open that will take me into them? I feel like I have so much love to offer, but I feel like something has always been holding me back, or making me push away the people that I deeply care about/love. I just want to be home, once again. I must not let whatever that dark thing is, cast me away into the depths of misery. Save myself, save my loved ones. It may sound so cheesy, the things that I'm writing, but it's what I really feel deep down. I feel so bad whenever the people that I care about get affected. I pray for another chance, to make things right once again. To heal. I have always thought of this to myself, 'Why hurt when you can heal?'. Good night, world. I'm just so freaking exhausted, worn out. Probably will take a short nap before continuing my work. I have always been telling myself this: Love thyself and love others. Just remember that, and put it into action. Cheesy, but, love is ultimately a simple word, but a concept all the same, that will save us all. Love will save us. Think about that deeply. You'll see.

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