Sunday, July 3, 2011

Underneath the 'Superwoman' exterior

It feels good to break down and cry. To let go, all that I've been holding in. Just... cry. Keep on crying till I can't cry no more. Let it all out, until I'm left with emptiness. Stoned. It doesn't matter that nobody's there to comfort me, or to just give me a hug. It just helps me cry even harder.. Really helps to empty out my capacity for emotion. It helps to leave me as a blank slate. 'Unfeeling' once again. Blank. Just tired of feeling. Yep, pour out all those accumulated emotions. I like the end and the beginning process - the emptying out and the blank slate. I hate the middle process, the collecting of all those emotions.

This is one of the songs that helps to set my tears free and let loose my iron grip on my vices.

I can't cry anymore. I think I'm done crying for now. Just feeling numb, and extremely tired.

I think it's really important for me to get out of here. To work abroad. And it has nothing to do with the glamor of working abroad, like most people have in mind. I think it's important for my sanity, to get away from all the remnants of the past, the gaping voids of sorrow. Another chance at a new life, for my sanity. To not let this life go to waste, by remaining stuck with the past. I want to completely let go, and grow. It has been hard to do that, while I'm still here. I have been trying for years, but my intuition tells me that I could do better if I go abroad. Really put the distance between myself and my past life. All that pain, disappointment, setbacks, confusion, depression, everything that has been darkening my life. But I will still take care of my family, even if I'm far away. I will never abandon them. They gave me life. Please don't keep me here on account that I have to stick close to my family. It's slowly killing me. Please help me save myself and help my family out. But please don't keep me here.. Please God, please let me get out of here. Please don't make me stay here any longer... I'm tired of the setbacks. Please save me. Please save the people that I care about. Please don't keep me here....... It's all that I've been praying for and working towards. Please don't let my sanity go to waste. Please don't keep me here..... I need your help, I love you.. I don't want to waste my life away...

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