Sunday, September 18, 2011


He's not gonna reply. I don't have to be bummed out about that. it's just another guy. guys... I have always had this mindset that I shouldn't depend on any guy to make me happy, or expect anything from him. Because, in the back of my mind, I felt like I couldn't trust any of them to pull through. Honestly. Because if I expected something from him, I'll definitely be put down one way or another. So yeah, guys... And when I put all my eggs in one basket, something horrible will eventually happen. Like right now, no reply. Being left alone when things go bad. Really, it's an ugly picture. I want to throw that picture out.. or just turn it into something beautiful. The better option obviously. Anyway.

I'm an individual person, my own person. I am going to be happy for myself, and for my loved ones, especially for their joys and successes. I'm going to pave my own way for my life, going to achieve all those dreams that I've always had.. small dreams and big ones. I will get there. God willing. I will be a happier person along this journey, it will be a happy journey for me. I will get that happiness once again, the one that I lost, I will reclaim it and keep it.. for myself and for others. I don't wanna bring myself down, I wanna be a positive influence for people around me. If I don't hold on to this positive light, I'm afraid of what might happen to me. Afraid of this deep, dark side that'll come out if I'm not careful. It has been creeping out of me these past few days. And now, I'm gonna squash its spirit, I'm gonna fight once more, to dissipate it out of my system forever. God willing. I have this plan to incorporate into my routine, what I used to do.. Daily exercise and prayers. Back then in Dubai. I was so happy. And when I'm happy, the possibilities are endless, and opportunities just seem to come my way and work out. God willing, I will get back on that path. I am tired of being smothered by darkness, tired of these feelings of hopelessness, loss and confusion. I don't want to get back there. I want to get myself out of it. Life would really be wasted if I let that prolong. God willing, I will get there :) <3

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