Funny thought.. I noticed that the times when I was really happy are usually when I was living a lie. Well, I was really happy when things were going well, until I started noticing the cracks in what we were doing. So I confronted it, found out the whole truth, got really sad, and stopped the unhealthy relationship completely. And now, I'm back to feeling empty inside. So which is better? To keep on lying to yourself, or just to break free and feel empty on the inside?
This has happened more than I'd like it to. Which is why I asked, am I so unlovable? Sigh. I guess I'll just keep moving onwards, and be more careful not to pursue anything that could possibly hurt me. In the meantime, I can't deny that I am feeling extremely empty inside. I just wish all of this would end quickly. I miss having all of that of which I used to have, but they were just pretense, many of which I used to truly believe to be true. How they crushed me on the inside when i found out they were lies after all. I just wish those lies were true. Keep wishing on a star, baby. Underneath that fast paced living, that emptiness still remains. I wish... Wish... And wish. You know what I'd wish for.