I have been on a personal mission, a mission to make myself more inhuman. Untouchable emotionally and unfazed by all the bullshit that humans come up with. I have been on it for almost 2 years I think, or was it since I was in my first year during college.. but recently I have been slacking and unintentionally let myself drown in the weakness that is the human emotion. Yes, in my twisted logic, succumbing to human feelings is weak. They make you lose sight of your focus, start daydreaming and remain contented, or they could drive you up the wall with insanity when those human feelings hurt you. And for what reason? They will only bring you down and deter you from your goals. One moment of faltering and I get dragged down. I shouldn't have. After so much hurt, I'm starting to remind myself to continue with this personal mission, all for a good reason too. I could go the distance, reach new heights.. fearless, unscathed. Well I might have some scars from the past, but I won't be letting any new memories scar me anymore. Some people say I'm really strong and admire me, some of them laugh at me because they say I'm just being stubborn. I'm just watching out for myself, because nobody else will do it. It's only you who have the full capacity of really taking care of and loving yourself. At times (especially recently), I noticed myself faltering from this personal mission, slowly melting and giving way for another person to get into my life, getting emotionally intimate. When that happens, shit always ensues. I'm left feeling really low, and the perpetrators never really take responsibility for their actions, nor do they value that honor of having someone let them into their lives. They kind of remind me of ungrateful little brats. Which is why it's obvious that this is such a time wasting endeavor if I were to go on with it. For what it's worth, I have awakened from this stupor and turned this into a valuable lesson from experience. Might as well use it to help me solidify my mission for this form of personal growth. More ammo to help me become stronger and emotionally withstanding. I'm already at peace with getting hurt, the more painful the better. I can't complain because with all that exposure, I'll learn more, faster. Yep, that has been one of my personal goals - to be unfazed by whatever that gets thrown at me. They can't hurt me anymore. Not any guys, not the harsh people, cruel people, etc. I'll be a block of stone, blissfully living in happiness. The world isn't just rainbows and sunshine. I know I have been really naive, living in comfort and security, so I gotta really toughen myself up if I wanna go out into the world. Mommy's skirt ain't there for me anymore to hide. Lol.
I'm gonna add more to this post, but got excited from chatting with a friend working in the same industry as I am. So gonna have breakfast and ciggies then dive into our money making plans doing what we love. This would be awesome. <3