Friday, September 14, 2012

Brainwashing Myself

U know what I was thinking.. Since it seems like every single person that I like, doesn't seem to respond much, so I better just stay emo and alone, rather than seek out company. Well, except for friends, just for the sake of friendship. Other than that, I've pictured myself sitting alone at home, like inside a dark cave. Only venturing out when any friends ask to hang out. Other than that, refrain from all sorts of flirting and what not. I dunno, at the moment, that's just what I feel like doing. Being emo alone, exactly like the old days.. Except that I used to seek out companionship back then. Nowadays, no more seeking out guys. I'm curious to see how long I could last. Hmm maybe this is the mindset I should start grinding in me. Staying in my dark cave. Well metaphorically, this 'cave' refers to any romantic endeavors. Sigh. If only things worked out, I wouldn't have to resort to this. Well I could go some other way, but right now, I feel that this mindset would make me happy in the long run. That is, completely stamping out all dreams and fantasies about a loving relationship, lol. I need to build up my walls against any expectations, to train my mind never to entertain nor expect even the slightest expectations when I feel that something is about to happen between me and a potential guy. Well, I'll have to even obliterate the thought of any 'potential' when any guys are around me. Yes, complete indifference to romantic endeavors. I'll be so much happier for the rest of my life. Hardest part is destroying all those tiny little hopes I still have inside me. Those are the annoying ones. Starting from now. So at the moment, I find myself waiting around for a certain someone. So as a first step, I gotta learnt to completely remove those thoughts and feelings from my mind - don't even give them a chance to enter my mind. First steps.. I can do this!

No comments:

Post a Comment