Bothersome People

I think I need to learn as much as I can as fast as I can, because I think I'll be much happier just freelancing. Lately, I notice how much I'm bothered by the people that I work with, and the fact that I have to face them everyday. With freelancing, I'll just have to deal with my clients and hang out with the people that I choose. Less stress from worrying about socializing with people I don't like. Working in the office, you might end up with people who just add more stress to your life, and you can't do anything about it. If I'm freelancing, I can choose the people I want to be surrounded with. Minus the clients, but I don't have to hang around them all day long, every day.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm losing control over my emotional and mental health because of unavoidable people and it's damn tiring.

losing interest

this depression makes me lose interest in socializing. if i weren't so depressed, i would totally be this bubbly and outgoing girl. i miss that side of me. how much longer is this gonna last???? sigh. well, that side of me does come out once in a while, especially when the depression's gone.. but it's only fleeting. i wish that the depression will be gone forever. this depression is making me even more depressed. God, help me. :(

The Mental ist

so i've just started watching season 1 of The Mentalist, out of curiosity. straight to the point, i've noticed many similarities between what I have been doing with people that I've encountered, and between what the mentalist does in the show. except that he has perfected his art far more compared to me. it's a damn show anyways. but sometimes there's a grain of truth to it.

i just thought that what i've been subconsciously doing is pretty useless.. except for draining my thoughts' energy. but i can see how it can be put to use in this show. i don't know how real it is in real life, but i sure do feel it, everyday, it's inside me. i've been doing it, but i have yet to hone my skills. plus, i've only been doing it as a means of self defense from social politics. how i do not favor the way things are run among my peers, and etc. but i dunno, as i get older, i've become in touch with this side of me, and didn't know how possibly real it could be, until i watched this show. so now i can work on my 'mental' skills and be able to influence people, to get ahead in life. haha.

one thing in the show that really caught my attention is episode 2 of season 1. it was when the main character used his skill to win a succession of scissors, paper, stone against his opponent. coincidently, i've used the exact thinking to beat my friend against that game too. except that when i grew tired of all that unnecessary thinking, i would lose. when i put my mind to it, i would win, every single time. it struck me as odd, that. i also didn't wanna kid myself with delusions of grandeur.. like i have some sort of super power or something. but watching that show, just gave me something to ponder.. about its reality and usefulness. this type of skill is just something that has been revealed to me over the years, lonely and confused with people's often wretched behavior. it has become something that i have been subconsciously honing to perfection. i'm just not there yet, not that great at reading people. but on some level, yes. in fact, it does exist in real life. google it up yourself.

 so now that i am assured of its realness, i'm definitely going to brush up my ability. it's definitely gonna come in handy for my future. plus, i'm not that good in socializing with people, but the weird thing is, i can read them, most of the time. i guess it's a product from being hidden behind the curtains, away from the spotlight, that i am able to spend my years trying to figure people out without talking to them much. haha. but it's also a good thing, because simply communicating has many times lead to misunderstanding. so having this ability as an asset, definitely curbs that problem. i thought i was just over thinking too much, and that i need to shut my mind up. but it's definitely gonna be more useful now.

here's one statement that proves to be very useful:
the truth is in the subconscious and a lie is in the conscious.

taken from this website.

while walking on campus.. (present post)

guess what, while i was walking, a random cute guy stopped by me just now and we talked the whole way. since it's not the norm for strangers to stop each other and make random new friends while walking, i didn't know whether to be friendly or keep my distance. i guess i was a little bit of both, tho i hope he didn't find me too rude or anything. but it was so random, and something similar happened to me last time, and the guy turned out to be a jackass. oh well. at least the cute guy just now didn't ask for my number, so i didn't feel anything was too fishy. he did compliment me on my body. mwahahaha. ego inflation. but yeah, he was pretty cute. heh

in the club (present post)

so yeah, finally i enjoyed myself while clubbing. first few times i went, not so fun. why? because it was with people who i couldn't really enjoy myself with. but i won't get into that. anyways. last night, we went to the Ministry of Sound for a good friend of mine's 21st birthday and it was a blast. lesson: always go clubbing with people you can get down with. best part? no guys. all girls + ladies' night (free pass and drinks) + checking out hot guys at the club = sexy fun. i don't drink, and u don't need alcohol to have fun. all u need are good friends who know how to have fun.