Saturday, April 23, 2011

A chronology. Just something to think about.

First date, we were both nervous. What if the other person is a horrible douche bag? What if the other person's a freaky pink lover? Lol. Doubts put to rest. He talked non stop, well me? I didn't talk much. I stared at him adoringly as he kept yammering on. It was quite funny, but I didn't mind at all. A huge smile on my face, a laughter every time he said something funny. He got me hooked, and not just because of that. I love how we could easily complement each other with our differences. I love how our similarities strengthen our bond. Ended with a bike ride that scared me slightly. But I had him to hold on tight to. An awkward hug before saying goodbye.

Second date, we got to know each other on a turf that we both loved. At a concert, with a really good band. Our first, holding hands. My first, sharing a lovely moment with someone special, who loves it just as much. A moment that I wish I could relive, a moment that I'll keep with me, always. An indirect, sincere gesture when he ordered me something called, 'I love you'? Ah, only time can tell. It ended with a much longer bike ride. Of course I held on to him more tightly. Cold and shivering, sorry I practically squashed his balls. Lol. A hug before saying goodbye. He sneaked in a kiss on my cheeks, I hugged him back tightly.

Third 'date', I was stressed, he was depressed. I told him I wished on a star that he was there. An hour later, he was there with me. No, really, I did wish it, when I went out for a smoke at my workplace. I was pretty surprised that I let it out to him. I would never admit to anything like that to anyone. On our third date, we laughed and talked until the wee hours of the morning. About two hours of nothing but each others' company. Cup after cup of coffee. I was surprised I could enjoy myself with him, with nothing else to lean on, except for each others' presence. I can never be like that, unless I'm with someone I'm very accustomed to. It ended with a bike ride that I was used to by then. But still holding on tightly whenever I get scared. A smoke, and a talk, and a comfortable hug before saying goodbye. He thanked me for a wonderful time, I'm glad it cheered him from his depression. I'm thankful for him, if it wasn't for him, I could have killed myself from the stressful work deadline. He apologized that it wasn't much of a third date, but I loved it all the same. I didn't care that he wasn't groomed, I like it better that way, anyways. Letting loose, cutting down to the core, and finding out that it's even better.

A series of three dates... where my feelings never fail to grow. Three is such a minimal number, stretched over a period of time. Sometimes I worry about him, sometimes I get jealous. But I have been through a lot before this, I have been much worse. I am a better person now, today. I'm going to savor these moments, I'm going to appreciate him even more. He wants to work slowly towards a future that he can grasp. Not exactly my style, where I go all out to get the best results (in just about any aspect of life). Well, I love certainty and who can deny certainty when you give it your all to get what you want? However, it may very well be the very reason why I crash and burn horribly at times. He's on to something. I think I might exercise my patience for him. After all, my loyalties lie strong with something that will be very worth it at the end. There's a reason for all the shit that we have been through, and I hope I get to live to see the day where I'm finally at home, and at peace.

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