Friday, April 22, 2011


I actually did seriously consider suicide. Planned to put it into action right after I'm done with this final year project. I was just hanging on to get my group mates through it. I didn't really care about myself. Felt like my life line was nearing to an end. My heart and soul slowly dying, a slow, painful death. I was steered off course when he came along. It was wonderful, he was wonderful. I know it's dangerous, it totally breathed a new life into me, a very different scene from what I'm used to. It gave me a taste of what life could offer. But how certain is it, if it can fully change my mind? It's dangerous in a sense that, when it's gone, all my previous resolves would come rushing back, with even greater force. Now, I don't know if I can really hold on any longer. It was a huge goal that I had set myself on, it was a big deal. Kind of hard to fully put my mind off it. Sure I was side tracked for a while, but how strong can it be, to fully steer me away from the path that I have set on? One false move and the walls come falling down. Lately I have been unlike myself really. Going out of my way to settle unresolved issues, fix all the wrong that I have done. I dunno, is it because I can feel that I'm already nearing my end? I have about two more weeks left before the final project ends. Would I really come through.. alive? Haha. My cuts are becoming deeper. It feels so.. doable - bleeding to death. If I die, will my soul still linger on Earth? What happens if I die? I don't want to condemn myself, to an even worse eternity. I don't know, I don't know. For sure. If only I knew, the choice would be easier to make. If I chose life, what is in store for me? I feel weak, just trying to comprehend where my life is heading. God, please help me. :(

No comments:

Post a Comment