Sunday, April 10, 2011

cleaning up my personal hell

I love it how now I have a positive voice inside of me, to combat these depressing thoughts. It really does calm me down, makes my heart feel lighter. Those negative voices get silenced, and the storm that was brewing inside me, starts to recede. I would start feeling... calm. reassured. Thanks to all the advice that I received. Although that positive voice may not be strong yet, but its presence gives me hope. I'm forever fighting these depressing thoughts from overtaking my mind, but now it seems to be working. Talking to myself (in my head) in a positive light, it really does ease my burdens. Haha, what a revelation :p. But really, I have experienced another side of life, a totally different scene from what I'm too used to, and I love it. As cheesy as it sounds, it gives me hope to fight on for my life. Just to get to the other side. Before this, I already gave up on life. Just waiting for the time to end it. Now, it feels like I have more spirit to fight on. Just to get to the other side. Yes, I said it twice. duh.

I may not know for sure, what lies ahead for me, but I feel more determined to keep my head in a happy place. Feeling more energized to get that positive voice out there. Crossing over is really hard, hell, it broke me down so many times. I scared myself when I accidentally cut myself too deeply, and there was more blood than usual. omg. It was stupid, but yeah, that was the negative voices taking over. Fucking consumed, mann! I am dissappoint in you, girl. (is that 4chan talk??). But really, I have already started a promise to myself to really change for the better. Anyways, isn't it time for the other half of my life here on this planet? The other half where the good life comes in. I think I can make it.. With the help of that calming, reassuring, positive inner voice. It's surprising how much of a difference it can make to my sanity. The storm totally dies down right after. <3

Until then, keep fighting for your life, til you get to the other side.. where the grass really is greener. It would be worth it. Grow old, and die a happy person. Haha. Cheers.

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