Monday, July 18, 2011

A reckless disregard

What do you expect? I come from a line of blood thirsty ancestry. Head hunters, for ...'s sake. Lol! Although I may not be that crazy, but I love talking crazy.. just to see people's freaked out reactions. If they're gonna run off, too bad. Just shows the kind of people that I'd like to be around with. Basically I'm just testing the waters to see how much they could take. Because there would be times when I'll get tired of fucking playing it safe, so you'll have to be able to roll with me. I'm not too worried though, I do have friends whom I have identified to be able to roll with the punches. Birds of a feather. Awesome. But yeah, don't have to put up with the craziness all the time. It is only occasionally that I feel like really ripping it off. I'm not that bad of a nutcase.. or so I claim >:) . Sometimes I just feel so frustrated, I just let it all out. A reckless disregard of my sanity, safety, etc. And then, I'll be like, who the fuck was that? Was that fucker really me? And then I'm back to my normal, mellow self. Ha, yeah right. Am I really that mellow? I dunno. But once I stop seeing red, I go back to my normal self. Wondering, how did all that happen. Kind of funny, kind of a relief to let it all out. But yeah, I know what I'm getting myself into. Braced myself for the consequences. It leaves me fucking tired, man. But feels so great after. Fucking tired and fucking awesome.

And he said he was scared of hurting me. I think, he should be scared of what I could do. Lol. But yeah, I'm horrible like that. It's just that moment of temporary insanity, where I just grab the bull by the horns and come what may. I know its unhealthy, but.... I dunno. Just can't chain me down to subservience/conformity. I don't really care that much for myself. I know, I know, what a fucked up, negative thinking. I really should learn to settle down. Phew. Exhaustion. Danger. I need to feel fucking alive again.

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