So I just came back from this Inciting event with two friends and I freaking loved it. I even talked to a guy that I sort of fancied, but I think I might have blown it with my awkwardness. Oh well, practice makes perfect. Although I wasn't comfortable with the number of people there, and how open it was, but it was worth it. It's the sort of uncomfortable position that I'm willing to put myself through, because of the content of the talks and the people that I will meet. It's those kinds of people that I want more of in my life, and the kind of person I want to be. It could turn into an addictive habit, going to these things. I've been feeling a loss of confidence in myself, but after that event, it breathed some vigor back into me. I'm psyched for the next one. I'm especially going to mingle around more. Practice makes perfect. It's time to fill my life with uplifting people. I need a different perspective on life, which is something that I'm hoping to gain from listening to the speakers, and also hopefully from the new friends that I will make.
I really need to and want to transform myself from the inside. Tired of the same perspective. Tired of being selfish. I need to listen to the stories of others. I hope this journey is going to be a more exciting one.
At this point, I just need to work on my inner self before I can move on to more epic highs. I'm always trying out new stuff in hopes of jolting me out of myself - if that makes any sense. I feel I'm too encased within myself and my own views. There are too many I's in my posts. It's time to completely reinvent my bad attitudes from within, by experiencing more enlightening people and situations. How do I go about that? I'm not sure, but I'm trying all the means I can get at the moment. I'm sick and tired of being the 'frog under the coconut shell', trapped by my own demons.
The moment that I'll know I have reached my desired point is when I can mingle freely with those people I admire and be myself. No self doubts (demons) to bring out my awkwardness.
I guess in a way, being single in situations like these has its benefits. I won't have someone that makes me just want to settle with the person that I already am. It pushes me to continuously grow and become better than before, in hopes of attracting the people that I want to be around with, (and possibly someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, lol). I guess I've been unconsciously sabotaging my previous relationships because I wasn't happy with the person that I am, and felt the need for personal growth, and for someone whose mind is much more attractive to me. Nothing is better than a significant other with a mind that you can 100% fall in love with. The rest comes after.
It's all about the power of attraction, and to achieve that, I must first get over myself.