Friday, April 26, 2013

It's Not You, It's Me?

If there is one question that I could get an honest answer to, I would ask, "What's wrong with my personality?".

Because really, I can't help but feel that I'm driving some people away and I can't even fathom why. I was totally myself and that seemed to make them not want to hang out with me anymore. That makes me sad. That's why I hate it when people decide to be cold to you without even an explanation why. Well that's human nature for you. You do something wrong, and nobody's going to tell you why. You just have to figure it out for yourself. I know why, that's because people have developed that attitude of "I don't care, as long as my life goes smoothly". I try to change that messed up mentality by being the change myself. Like if a friend of mine has this problem, whether a close friend or not, I'd gladly offer an outsider's insight as to what they might be doing wrong. I offer it to those who ask and who seem to be asking for it. I don't want them to be wandering around clueless and miserable like me.

I know people say that you should be glad for your close friends who stick by you for who you are. But I don't want to drive those casual friends away either, or I'd be too lonely and sad. Close friends are great, but they get busy too, and you'd be left all alone with nobody to talk to or hang out with. I envy my friends who have their parents to talk to. They seem pretty complacent with being alone. Well, that's because they at least have someone to talk to, who they can call up or who calls them up from time to time. Mine doesn't want to speak to me at all, unless they want something from me or want me to do something. Sigh. My life right now is all about finding people I can keep around in this lonely life. I know a boyfriend/life partner would be too much to ask for, that's why I'm settling for friends. They are pretty good, but you'll need loads of them, or you'll get too lonely when the ones you depend on get busy.

1 comment:

  1. I have dis problem a few days ago.One of my buddies from degree just ignore me. And I have got studies issues to solve. No one to rely to. its not a pretty feeling, I assure u. Then I decided to try something new.I decided to talk and express myself to Allah. So that night,after my isyak prayers i sit down and pray. Not just the normal pray where I usually ask stuff or things that I want to have. But I pray like I am talking to a friend. I told him about my problems and Im in a mess and I dont know how to solve it.

    It was such a long talk,and He is such a good listener.By the end of my prayers my heart was finally at ease. I am able to release all the burden at once.I was actually able to have such a good night sleep.Perhaps, u shall try it. I strongly recommend that u do.:)